I've know for approximately seven months that there would be a baby coming around August 7th. I've see his little face on ultrasounds and heard his little heartbeat and felt him kick me in the bladder about a million times. I've been a list-making crazy person in an effort to get prepared. I've taken a birthing class and toured labor and delivery and even have almost all of the items you actually need to keep a tiny infant alive. But now that the baby showers are over and there is a very real possibility that this little dude could come sometime this month, I am having a slight panic attack.
Maybe it's because all my lists aren't completed or maybe it's because my doctor told me yesterday she's getting everything ready early in case my high blood pressure decides to become preeclampsia or maybe its because I'm a control freak and there are very few (if any) things about this situation that I am in control of but whatever the reason, I'm freaking out a little.
I've done my fair share of babysitting and holding tiny babies and even taking care of them for several hours at a time but I've never gotten up in the middle of the night with a baby. I've never cleaned an umbilical cord or given a 2-day old baby a bath. I've never been responsible for every need a new baby could possibly have and I'll be honest, I'm nervous!! When the baby starts to cry or has a poopy diaper I can't just give him back to his mom to deal with it because that will be my job now. What if I do it all wrong and scar my poor little baby for life?
I don't know if John is actually as calm as he seems or if he is just really good at pretending, but either way, there is no freaking out on his part. He is just calm and chill, which is probably a good thing because it might be bad if we were both freaking out.
In the back of my mind I know that everything will be fine but in the meantime I am just going to try and take deep breaths (and naps!), finish a few more items on my to-do lists and not freak myself out in the next few weeks.
