Wednesday, January 25, 2017

A Letter to Me

For every girl out there doubting yourself and hating yourself and crying yourself to sleep at night because you aren't pretty enough or popular enough or skinny enough. For any girl who has ever been bullied or made fun of or alienated. For every girl who is struggling through high school wondering if things will ever get better, this is for you. 

Dear 17-year-old Me,
I have so many things I want to tell you. I know that high school can be hard, high school in a small town has to be the worst. There is no where to hide, everyone knows you and the mistakes you've made, you can't get lost in the shuffle like you could at a bigger school. Don't worry though, someday you'll look back and love that you got to graduate from high school with the same 20 kids you went to Kindergarten with.
I wish I could take away all the hurt and the pain your going to feel over the next few years but I know I can't. It's going to hurt like hell when the boy you have a crush calls you fat, and when your friends have to set you up a date for prom because no one will ask you on their own, and when you overhear someone you thought was a friend saying hurtful things about you. Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" was a liar because those words are going to hurt and you're going to cry and you're going to eat cabbage soup for 5 days straight because being skinny would make everything better.
I want to tell you not to do those things, not to let those people crush your spirit and take away your confidence but I know you probably won't listen because I've been there and I know it's hard to listen to the few people telling you you are beautiful when it seems like so many voices are saying the opposite but don't let the opinions of a few mean-spirited people change you. I see the way you laugh and make fun of yourself so others can't do it first. I know it is exhausting to put on a happy face every day and pretend to be confident even when your not, but don't give up. Don't stop being you because some people are too ignorant to appreciate how truly awesome you really are.
Believe me when I say someday, someone will tell you you are beautiful every single day and mean it. They will love you with their whole heart not because your perfect but because they love your imperfections. It might not be as soon as you would like but be patient. I've said it already but it's worth repeating don't give up, don't lose hope, don't stop being you, because somewhere out there is someone waiting to love you just the way you are.
Try not to hate your body. I know it's hard but try to love the body you have today, it's capable of some pretty amazing things. Love your body, take good care of it and don't be so hard on yourself, and I promise you will be happier. Love your body for what it can do, not what it can't do. Don't compare yourself to others, we were all created different for a reason, embrace your differences because they are what make you you, and you are beautiful. You are unique and beautiful, don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Don't let a few bullies dictate how you feel about yourself, let your confidence shine through and be proud of who you are, no matter what anyone else has to say. 
Don't be afraid to follow your dreams. You can be anything you want to be, truly believe that. There will always be someone there ready to tell you can't, that your dreams and goals are ridiculous and unattainable. There will always be someone that wants to keep you down so they have someone to keep them company at the bottom. Don't let them do it! Don't ever be ashamed of being smart and driven. Be proud of the skills and talents you were blessed with, nurture them and watch them grow and you'll be amazed at the places they will take you.
High school is hard, I know it is, but nothing lasts forever. Choose to be happy now, don't wait for some magical number on the scale or a boyfriend to be happy, life is too short to rely on others for your happiness. Find happiness in the journey and enjoy every moment. 
There are so many amazing things waiting for you out there, go get them. 

Love,
Me 

Friday, January 13, 2017

The Book Writing Process

Note to self: do not ever take an entire month off from writing again.

I finished writing my book at the end of October, spent the entire monthly of November furiously reading it and making edits to get it ready for my beta readers. When I finally sent it to them at the first of December I breathed a sigh of relief and decided I deserved a few days break from the furious writing/editing schedule I'd been keeping for months. Except a few days stretched into a week and a week stretched into two and before I knew it the entire month of December was gone and I had done almost nothing creative or book-related the entire time.

I shared this quote from Maya Angelou on Instagram a while back, "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have." And I can say without a doubt it is so true. When I was in the thick of writing and creating the ideas seemed to flow, even ideas for other books and stories. Then I stopped writing for a while and ideas all dried up. Getting back into the flow of writing every night and doing revisions has been difficult to say the least. Part of it is because Mason goes to bed later now so I have less "free" time to devote but mostly it's because I stopped using that creative muscle and now it's out of shape again. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and just like getting back into the habit of working out again when you've taken a long break it's hard!

For those of you who are interested my book writing process looks like this so far:

  • Write the book. This took me approximately 5 months, about half of that was spent in "intense writing mode" to make up for the other half that was spent in "goof-off writing mode". This stage included obsessively texting friends to brainstorm ideas and ignoring poor John most nights of the week. 
  • Reading, revising and editing. I gave myself a month for this and next time I'd like to give myself more time for this stage because it felt very rushed. This stage included more ignoring of John, more texting friends with random questions, a lot of eye rolling about some dumb things I had written and some getting very excited about other things I had written. 
  • Beta-reading. I gave my beta-readers a month to read and provide feedback on the book. Next time I'll make sure this month is not December. This stage included a lot of waiting. I do not like waiting. It took every ounce of control I had to not text my beta readers everyday and ask if they were finished yet and what they thought. I might have done that to a few of them anyway. 
  • Rewrites. I only have a month to do rewrites and work in some of the suggestions from my beta readers before my book is due to the my editor. I can already tell this might not be enough time, but since I was a journalist and know I can perform well under tight deadlines I hope it won't be a problem.
  • Next up is working with my editor. She'll be providing feedback on content, plot, structure, etc. Then there will be even more rewrites on my end. During this time I'll also be working with a cover designer to get a cover created! I honestly have no idea how long this is all going to take, I'm hoping a few weeks, but I could be way off. 
  • Proofreading. Once the content is final I'll get it proofread to make sure there are no lingering grammar errors. 
  • Formatting. When it's finally ready for the world to read, I'll format the eBook version myself and have someone professional format the print version for me. 
  • PUBLISH!!! It seems so far away right now but I get so excited about the idea of actually publishing this book. My goal publish date is May 1 but that may change depending on how long the editor stage takes. 
  • Start all over again. Then I'm going to start the whole process over again on my next book. Hopefully with a better, more streamlined process. 
Thank you to anyone who has supported me thus far, you've made this exciting but scary journey a little less scary. 





Tuesday, January 3, 2017

What Are Your Resolutions?

Sometimes I set New Year's resolutions, sometimes I don't, but I can say with confidence that I rarely follow through with them. Partly because I don't write them down and partly because I don't have a plan.

This year I didn't really make resolutions but rather I wrote down goals of what I would like to accomplish this year. I broke it down into three categories: health & fitness, finance and personal and then set yearly, six-month and quarterly goals for the first part of the year. Because for me writing "lose weight" as my yearly goal is great but how am I going to get there? And because accountability is a big thing for me, I'd thought I'd share a few of them just to keep myself honest.

A few of my health and fitness goals look like this:
Yearly goal: Decrease body fat percentage, while maintaining or increase muscle mass.
Six-month goal: Join a gym and use it.
First quarter goal: Do three push-ups on my toes.
January goal: Eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day.

My finance goals include things like paying off my last student loan this year, growing my emergency savings account, not spending anymore money on make-up until I use the stash I have and paying more attention to the budget I have painstakingly created, because having a budget is no good if I just ignore it until the end of the month and then try to figure out how to "fit" all my expenses into my budget.

Some of my personal goals are big and exciting like publish two books this year. Others are boring and necessary like clean out my closet in January. But for every category and time-frame I made three goals and then I made notes under it of how I plan to accomplish that goal. Don't worry, I'll save you the pain of rehashing my entire four-page goals document.

Not every goal is earth shattering or life changing, but that's the beauty of goals and resolutions, they can be whatever you want them to be! I want my year to be fun and exciting and full of growth, change for better and happiness, and those things don't just happen by accident. What are your resolutions for the new year? Let's kick 2017's ass, so next year at this time we can look back and say "2017 was a great year!"