Enough already!

I'm not even a mom and all the "mom-shaming" and competition about breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding, stay-at-home moms vs. working moms, co-sleeping or not, is getting ridiculous. I rarely go more than a few days without seeing some article or blog or post on Facebook about these so called "mommy wars". All I can say is, what is wrong with us? Why do we have to judge each other, and put each other down? Shouldn't we, as women and mothers, be supporting each other, not tearing each other down?
Based solely on observations of friends, families and acquaintances I think it is safe to say that being a mom is hard work, without being put down for the choices you make for yourself and your family. First and, probably foremost, is this crazy debate about breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, brought to the forefront by news stories of women being asked to leave any number of public places for breastfeeding. Women should not be forced into dirty bathrooms or hot cars to feed their babies, end of story, but women should also not be shamed by other women if they cannot/choose not to breastfeed. This story was written by a woman who had breast cancer and double mastectomy before she had her baby and therefore could not breastfeed. She was shamed and bullied by the nurses at the hospital, women in a baby and me yoga class and perfect strangers for not breast feeding when it was physically impossible. But even if she simply made the choice not to breastfeed she shouldn't be shamed. Why do we have to make each other feel bad for making the best choice for our families? I have already written a blog about breastfeeding so I won't bore you by rehashing my argument again.
Even more crazy to me than the breastfeeding battle seems to be this competition between stay-at-home moms and working moms.
This story in the Deseret News is what sparked this blog in the first place. I saw it posted on my Facebook timeline more than once yesterday. One person thought it was interesting, another thought it was a shameful example of journalism, others simply liked it. The story was not at all what I expected to read when I clicked on it. I expected another article about how much work stay-at-home moms actually do all day, which by the way I don't think even needs to be explained, no one should have to defend their daily life to strangers. But this article listed things like stay at home moms are better off financially, have thinner, smarter and happier kids, and are happier themselves. The author cites various studies as the resources for the information on each of the six items.
What I find fascinating is this article, which directly contradicts the DNews article, cites a study saying stay at home moms are more depressed and this one talks about how a large percentage of stay at home moms live at or below the poverty line and are only stay at home moms because they have no other choice. Which happens to be the exact point that President Obama made in a controversial speech last week. Facebook exploded with posts about how Obama hates stay at home moms, which by the way, is not what he said. His point was that moms should not be forced to stay at home because they have no other option, that there needs to be affordable daycare options out there for moms who need to or want to work. His point was not that no woman should ever be a stay at home mom but that they shouldn't be forced to make that choice. But I can't help but wonder, why does everyone care what I do with my children?
If you want to be a stay at home mom from the day you bring your baby home from the hospital until the day they graduate from high school that is great, if you can afford to do that, even better! If you want to go back to work six weeks after your baby is born that is fine too! If you want to stay home until your kids are in school and then go back to work part-time, great!
I can't understand why the choices we make for ourselves and our families have to be judged by everyone else. Not everyone has the income or desire to be a stay at home mom but that doesn't make them a bad mom who is going to raise dumb, fat and unhappy children!
Women and mothers, have enough battles to fight and obstacles to overcome without putting each other down. Let's take a step back and realize that we may not know everything about everyone else's circumstances or why they make the choices they do. Instead, let's be supportive and caring and kind, regardless of whether we have different opinions and ways of doing things. Let's stop all the pointless arguing and shaming and instead just support each other as women and mothers.