The Book Writing Process

Note to self: do not ever take an entire month off from writing again.

I finished writing my book at the end of October, spent the entire monthly of November furiously reading it and making edits to get it ready for my beta readers. When I finally sent it to them at the first of December I breathed a sigh of relief and decided I deserved a few days break from the furious writing/editing schedule I'd been keeping for months. Except a few days stretched into a week and a week stretched into two and before I knew it the entire month of December was gone and I had done almost nothing creative or book-related the entire time.

I shared this quote from Maya Angelou on Instagram a while back, "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have." And I can say without a doubt it is so true. When I was in the thick of writing and creating the ideas seemed to flow, even ideas for other books and stories. Then I stopped writing for a while and ideas all dried up. Getting back into the flow of writing every night and doing revisions has been difficult to say the least. Part of it is because Mason goes to bed later now so I have less "free" time to devote but mostly it's because I stopped using that creative muscle and now it's out of shape again. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and just like getting back into the habit of working out again when you've taken a long break it's hard!

For those of you who are interested my book writing process looks like this so far:

• Write the book. This took me approximately 5 months, about half of that was spent in "intense writing mode" to make up for the other half that was spent in "goof-off writing mode". This stage included obsessively texting friends to brainstorm ideas and ignoring poor John most nights of the week. 
• Reading, revising and editing. I gave myself a month for this and next time I'd like to give myself more time for this stage because it felt very rushed. This stage included more ignoring of John, more texting friends with random questions, a lot of eye rolling about some dumb things I had written and some getting very excited about other things I had written. 
• Beta-reading. I gave my beta-readers a month to read and provide feedback on the book. Next time I'll make sure this month is not December. This stage included a lot of waiting. I do not like waiting. It took every ounce of control I had to not text my beta readers everyday and ask if they were finished yet and what they thought. I might have done that to a few of them anyway. 
• Rewrites. I only have a month to do rewrites and work in some of the suggestions from my beta readers before my book is due to the my editor. I can already tell this might not be enough time, but since I was a journalist and know I can perform well under tight deadlines I hope it won't be a problem.
• Next up is working with my editor. She'll be providing feedback on content, plot, structure, etc. Then there will be even more rewrites on my end. During this time I'll also be working with a cover designer to get a cover created! I honestly have no idea how long this is all going to take, I'm hoping a few weeks, but I could be way off. 
• Proofreading. Once the content is final I'll get it proofread to make sure there are no lingering grammar errors. 
• Formatting. When it's finally ready for the world to read, I'll format the eBook version myself and have someone professional format the print version for me. 
• PUBLISH!!! It seems so far away right now but I get so excited about the idea of actually publishing this book. My goal publish date is May 1 but that may change depending on how long the editor stage takes. 
• Start all over again. Then I'm going to start the whole process over again on my next book. Hopefully with a better, more streamlined process. 

Thank you to anyone who has supported me thus far, you've made this exciting but scary journey a little less scary. 

What Are Your Resolutions?

Sometimes I set New Year's resolutions, sometimes I don't, but I can say with confidence that I rarely follow through with them. Partly because I don't write them down and partly because I don't have a plan.

This year I didn't really make resolutions but rather I wrote down goals of what I would like to accomplish this year. I broke it down into three categories: health & fitness, finance and personal and then set yearly, six-month and quarterly goals for the first part of the year. Because for me writing "lose weight" as my yearly goal is great but how am I going to get there? And because accountability is a big thing for me, I'd thought I'd share a few of them just to keep myself honest.

A few of my health and fitness goals look like this:
Yearly goal: Decrease body fat percentage, while maintaining or increase muscle mass.
Six-month goal: Join a gym and use it.
First quarter goal: Do three push-ups on my toes.
January goal: Eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day.

My finance goals include things like paying off my last student loan this year, growing my emergency savings account, not spending anymore money on make-up until I use the stash I have and paying more attention to the budget I have painstakingly created, because having a budget is no good if I just ignore it until the end of the month and then try to figure out how to "fit" all my expenses into my budget.

Some of my personal goals are big and exciting like publish two books this year. Others are boring and necessary like clean out my closet in January. But for every category and time-frame I made three goals and then I made notes under it of how I plan to accomplish that goal. Don't worry, I'll save you the pain of rehashing my entire four-page goals document.

Not every goal is earth shattering or life changing, but that's the beauty of goals and resolutions, they can be whatever you want them to be! I want my year to be fun and exciting and full of growth, change for better and happiness, and those things don't just happen by accident. What are your resolutions for the new year? Let's kick 2017's ass, so next year at this time we can look back and say "2017 was a great year!"

Crushed It

I think it's safe to say I crushed this year. I can confidently say 2016 was one of the best years of my life. I've accomplished two major things this year: writing my first book and losing 60 pounds. And I am so damn proud of both of them but honestly what made this year the best so far was finally finding my confidence, finally learning to love my self (you can read about that here if you missed it). I finally love who I am and where I'm going and if you don't like well that's too bad. Life is happier when you ignore all the negative voices and surround yourself with people who care about you and want you to succeed. Life is happier when you love your self. But I already wrote a whole post about that so I'll move on.
In addition to a few huge things I've also accomplished a lot of little things this year too:

• I can do a real push-up, on my toes!! I've never in my whole life been able to do that, and now I can actually do two. 
• I got made a multi-state team communications lead at work (it's hard to explain what that means without a whole blog post about my job) but it means more responsibility and leadership at work, which is always good. 
• I published my first non-news related piece, a short story, in a collection of erotic short stories.
• I went hiking with Mason chubs on my back. I'm not a hiker so this is an accomplishment for me. 
• I have finally succeeded in getting up to workout in the morning! I have literally tried for years and failed at getting up in the morning to workout, but now I can finally do it. Maybe because my post-baby body has figured out how to function on less sleep. 
• I can finally say I don't have a love/hate relationship with food anymore. I still have a long ways to go but I feel like I'm well on my way to having a healthy relationship with food. 

I'm sure there are other things, but this is all I can think of right now. 2016 hasn't been without it's trials but overall it was a great year. I made some mistakes, learned a lot about myself and accomplished things I never thought possible. If this year taught me anything it is you really can do whatever you put your mind to. 

I can't wait to see what happens over the next year. I'm excited about the new year and all the exciting things happening my life. Bring it on 2017, I'm ready! 

My Journey to Health: Part 2

Recap: In case you missed the last post you can read it here, but in summary last year I was sick. I was tired, my knees hurt, I had anxiety and I knew I needed change. I almost didn't write this post but I've had enough people ask me what I've been doing that I figured it was worth a post. 

Last November, before I ever had blood clots, I had signed up for a New Year Body Challenge. It was 60 days of workouts and recipes and guidance and support via a Facebook group. I am sooo glad I had signed up before I got sick. If I hadn't already signed up and paid, I might have talked myself out of it, but instead I had already committed and looking forward to it. I was sooo ready to begin getting healthy. The challenge was based on the Paleo diet (which you can read about here) and while it worked (I lost 15 pounds in a month) it didn't take me long to realize it was not sustainable for me. Cooking two dinners several nights a week was not ideal and wasn't something I was willing to do long term. Neither was giving up most carbs and dairy.

In the middle of March I started the 6-week Fit Body Challenge, I had done other challenges with the same trainer and always had great success (during my 15-day challenge a few months early I lost 12 pounds) so I was excited and looking forward to seeing more progress with this challenge. The plan came with six workouts a week and 11 daily meal plans to rotate through. It was great for a while. I'm a creature a habit and have no problem eating the same thing for lunch every day all week, but eventually it got to the point where I was cooking two dinners again, or doing some serious modifications so John didn't feel like he was eating the same thing three nights a week. Again, I knew that in order to be successful I needed to make long-term lasting changes and this wasn't it. It was great for the few weeks I stuck with it, but I couldn't do it forever. At this point even with my hodge-podge dieting and little to no exercise I had still lost 20 pounds.

In late April, I was browsing Instagram and saw a post from a girl I knew from high school about counting macros (macro-nutrients - more about that here) and the success her client was having. I had been tracking my macros before I got pregnant with Mason and had been losing weight very slowly but steadily (probably due to my less than stellar tracking skills) and knew it was something I could sustain. I could eat what I wanted as long as it fit in my macros, meaning I didn't have to cook two dinners or skip dessert, I just had to plan for it. So I reached out to her and got started on macro counting the very next day.

Working with Courtney was exactly what I needed. I lost eight pounds in the first month I was counting macros and that included two weekend trips where there was lots of yummy food and drinks and no tracking. She was (and still is) supportive and helpful and gave me workouts I could do at home. Full disclosure, until just a few weeks ago I have been terrible at working out consistently but I still saw results because 90 percent of the time I was eating within my macros. Since the beginning of May when I started counting macros, I've lost another 35 pounds, while steadily increasing the amount of food I get to eat each day. Some days tracking gets a little tedious and I just want to eat without figuring out how many carbs, fat and protein something has in it. But for the most part it is something I don't mind, something that has given me the flexibility to eat dessert every day and still reach my goals, and most importantly something I can do everyday for the foreseeable and long-term future.

I still have a long ways to go but I'm excited about where I'm at and where I'm going.The important thing is I found what works for me! And that might not be the same thing for everyone. Find what makes you happy and do it!

Being healthy isn't a one-time project you can do and just be done with, it takes hard work and dedication and consistency day after day and week after week. It is a journey not a destination and for now I'm enjoying the ride.

My Journey to Health: Part 1

A year ago I was sick. I had just been diagnosed by blood clots in my lungs, I was considered medically morbidly obese, my knees hurt with almost every step I took, I had high cholesterol and high blood pressure, and my body was still trying to heal from pregnancy and childbirth (which doesn't happen in a few weeks like everyone would lead you to believe but that is another post for another time). Physically I was not well but mentally I was probably even worse. I had anxiety and panic attacks about getting more blood clots, the possibility of it happening when I was alone with Mason and even the thought of not being there to watch my baby boy grow up. I cried myself to sleep at night more times than I could count. I was tired, I was moody, I was unhappy and I was scared. At 28-years-old when I should've been in the prime of my life I was anything but, I felt like someone at least twice my age. This wasn't the life I wanted. I was unhealthy, unhappy and ready for a change. 

Mason was moving and learning more and more everyday and I was terrified of the days when I wouldn't be able to run around with him. It is amazing how much such a tiny little person could motivate me to do something I'd been attempting my whole life. Suddenly the stakes were higher. If I didn't make a change and do it now, I wasn't going to be able to be the kind of mom I wanted to be or worse I wasn't going to be there at all. It was just about aesthetics and looking good anymore. It was like someone had flipped a switch. Change, real lasting change, wasn't just an option anymore it was a necessity. Getting healthier and losing weight was no longer something I should be doing but something I had to do; not just for me but for my baby and my family. 

Had you asked me a year and a half ago if I was healthy I probably would've said yes but it was just a lie I told myself so I didn't have to face the truth. I had pretended for years that my weight wasn't negatively impacting me because I didn't have high blood pressure or high cholesterol and I could do most of the things I wanted to do but now I saw the truth. I've done damage to my body I can't undo. My right knee already has significant "wear and tear" as they call it. In January my doctor told me if I didn't do something I'd be looking at knee replacement surgery at 35. Talk about a wake-up call. 

At my job we talk a lot about health and wellness and how we motivate people to change. Just last week we had a presentation about self care coaching and we talked about how in order to motivate people the "change must be personally important and meaningful." I had my reason for change, my motivating factor. It wasn't just personally important and meaningful, to me it was literally the difference between life and death. Now I just had to make changes (which is easier said than done). 

Stay tuned for my next post on what and how I changed, the mistakes I've made and what I've learned along the way (spoiler alert: the journey is never over). 

The Best Year Yet

My 28th year of life started out a little rough (more on that for another post) but I'm happy to say I turned things around and I can honestly say this last year was one of the best I've ever had.
I learned a lot about myself, the things that matter most to me and what I really want out of life.
Just a few of the highlights this year:

• I finally started the journey to fulfilling my lifelong dream of publishing a novel. The first draft is done and editing is underway. 
• I traveled more than I have any other year and it was awesome, more traveling is definitely on the list of things I want to do. I went to San Diego, Denver, Seattle, Portland and Chicago.  
• I made through Mason's first year of life, which is no small feat. 
• I finally figured out how to love myself and how to have a healthy relationship with food. 

I've only got one more year left in my 20's. I'm not sad I'm getting older and I'm not upset that I'll be 30 next year. I'm excited about life and where I'm going and the confidence I've gained and the goals I've set for myself. If this year is any indication, I'm just getting started. Plans for next year include: 

• Publishing my first novel (and maybe my second!) 
• More traveling!! South Dakota and another trip to Seattle are already on the list but I'm hoping there will be many more destinations to visit. 
• Continuing the never ending process of working towards being healthier. I'm hoping to hit my goal weight in the next year.

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday! Here's to another great year. 

Love Yourself

I haven't always been nice to my body. In fact, I've done some pretty awful things to it, from cabbage soup diets to the 500-calorie HCG diet to the other extreme of binge eating ice cream and chips and cookie dough and anything I could get my hands on. 

I spent years hating my body for what it couldn't do. It was never skinny enough or fast enough, it couldn't jump high enough and wasn't attractive enough. I've spent years of my life working out and dieting my way to some elusive goal that would suddenly make me happy with my body, a magical number that would make everything better. But I'm here now to tell you no number on the scale will ever make you happy if you don't learn to love and appreciate your body. 

It's taken me 29 years to come to the conclusion that life is too short to give a shit what other people think, it's too short to spend your time hating yourself and your body. 

I used to hate my body because it was too squishy and too tall and not tan enough but this body has done some pretty amazing things! It grew a life inside it and gave birth to a 9-pound baby with no drugs, it served me well through 4-years of high school sports, helped me run a marathon, half-marathon and Ragnar race. No matter how badly I've treated it has very rarely let me down.
In the past year, I've lost 70 pounds. I'm still a ways off from my "goal" weight but I'm no longer letting that define who I am. For the first time in my life I'm happy with my body the way it is right now. I don't hate every single picture that is taken of me. I don't hate every item of clothing I put on. I don't wish everyday for some magical number to appear on the scale.
And can I tell you how freeing it is? How much happier life is when I don't stress because I ate french fries with dinner two days in a row? Or when the scale moves up a few pounds instead of down? Don't get me wrong there has to be moderation and consistency to see progress, but I'm no longer letting a number on a scale dictate how I feel about myself. I might not be at my goal weight yet, but I don't give a damn. I look good and feel good right now! It's empowering, it's humbling and it's amazing. I can finally get up at 5:30 in the morning and work out, because it's not a chore anymore, I want to do it so I can get stronger and be able to keep up with the incredibly speedy Mason. I want to see what else this body is capable of. And if I accidentally sleep through my alarm and miss my workout? I don't feel like a complete failure and give up for the millionth time. I just keep moving forward because progress is about consistency not perfection.
Magazines, commercials, movies, TV shows, basically everything you see everyday, would have you believe that you're not worth anything if you don't look like those girls. If you don't have perfect hair and perfect skin and the perfect body, with curves, but not too many, you are worthless. That no one will ever love you if your dress size in the double digits and you don't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Well you know what? Fuck them. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough. Don't let someone else determine your worth based on ridiculous standards that even supermodels can't uphold without photoshop.
Love your body now! Love the process of getting where you want to be. Workout and eat good foods because you want to be healthy and strong, or because you want to set a good example for your kids, or because you just like to, whatever your reason do it for you. Don't starve yourself so you can have a thigh gap; don't kill yourself in the gym because you're too fat or so someone else will like you, because those aren't good reasons.
When I stopped doing it for someone else it got easier, when I did it for me and my health and my family, it became important enough to make a priority and the excuses started to fall away. When I finally learned to love my body and the things it does for me everyday I started to be happier and more confident. There are days that it is still a struggle, days I still let self-doubt and self-hate creep in, days when I wish I was stronger and faster and skinnier. But I am in a better place than I have been in a very long time. For years I let what others thought about me define who I was and what I thought of my body but not anymore. Those were not fun times in my life. Literally years of my life spent sad and angry because I let someone else make me believe I wasn't good enough.
You are enough, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Set goals and work towards them, but don't let them define you. Love the process, love your body as it is right now, love all your imperfections, they are what make you unique and beautiful and special. Love yourself. Trust me, life is better that way.