For many years this blog has been a place for me to share my thoughts, updates on life and mostly vent my frustrations. Those posts may still come occasionally, much like they do now, but I've decided I want to do something more valuable with this space. This idea has been a long time coming and will take much more time to become fully developed, but I can't ignore the pull any longer.
Some of you may have heard of the terms intuitive eating, health at any size, body positivity, some of you may not have, but these interconnected concepts are something I've become very interested in recently and something I plan to learn more about in the coming months and years. I'm not a nutrition expert or psychologist or fitness professional, but I have a lifetime of experiences revolving around fat shaming and diet culture and self-hatred, experiences I hope can make a positive impact on a few of you out there.
I have been blessed with the gift of words, of being able to write and express my thoughts and feelings. I've made a living with writing before (and hope to do it again in the future) but right now it's time to use this talent and put my words to good use, to make this world a better place.
Stay tuned as I work out the details and get my jumbled thoughts in order, but watch for more focused, thoughtful posts and less ranting coming very soon!
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
It Starts with Love
I've been quiet for about as long as I possibly can. I've had many, many things running through my head in the past few months about body positivity, mom-shaming, mass shootings, and politics. In almost all cases I keep my opinions to myself online because causing an argument on someone else's Facebook timeline is not high on my list of things to do, but I have to get a few things off my chest.
Of course, right now the hot topic is mass shootings and gun control. I'm not here to talk about gun control or gun regulations, even though I am in favor of taking a good hard look at the gun laws we have in our country and seeing where improvements can be made.
I am here to talk about the lack of compassion, understanding, respect, patience, and love that are literally ripping our country and our families apart. In the day of social media, where hurtful, hateful and downright terrible comments are hurled across cyberspace at people we don't know, is it any wonder that more and more kids today are suffering from depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses than ever before? Is it any wonder that suicide rates are higher than ever before? Is it any wonder that kids and adults alike are turning to senseless acts of violence because they've been bullied for YEARS?
Yes, there are not enough resources available to those struggling with mental illness to get the help they need, and yes, mental illness, especially the stigma against those with mental illness needs to be addressed in this country. But in the meantime, we have to stop.
We have to stop spreading hateful messages on social media, we have to stop the bullying, we have to stop the hatred and disrespect for people who don't look like us and act like us, we have to stop!
If you are making rude or derogatory comments about celebrities, professional athletes, or anyone on social media you are part of the problem. If you judging or shaming someone who has a different body-type, skin color, parenting style than you do, you are part of the problem. If you are calling people with different opinions than you "libtards" or "snowflakes" or any other names meant to be derogatory YOU are part of the problem. This list could go on and on for longer than any of you care to read, but I'm going to make a bold statement here and say WE ARE ALL PART OF THE PROBLEM. Sorry for the caps, but it's important. I'm sure there are people out there who are wholly inclusive, loving, respectful and kind to every other human being, but I can safely say I don't know any of them. We are all guilty, myself included, of making hateful comments about others, whether in private or on social media, it doesn't matter. Because do you know who is hearing those comments we make in private? Our children, our grandchildren, our nieces, and nephews... impressionable little children that are watching and learning from the things we do and say... the generation that is going to inherit a dark and scary world if we don't do something now.
Different doesn't equal wrong. Just because someone doesn't look like you, act like, vote like you doesn't mean they are wrong, and it certainly doesn't mean they deserve to be hated by people who don't even know them.
Change, real and lasting change, won't happen overnight and it won't be easy, but we have the chance to make a real difference in the world, in our children and the world they are growing up in. Little kids shouldn't have to worry or wonder if they might get shot at school today. But until we start spreading love instead of hate, teaching our children to respect and accept those that are different from them, teaching them that under no circumstances is bullying okay and then modeling that behavior for them, nothing is going to change. Change can happen, but it doesn't start with arguing across political lines, it doesn't start by being hateful or close-minded. It starts with reaching across our differences and finding common ground, it starts with understanding, compassion and respect, it starts with love.
Of course, right now the hot topic is mass shootings and gun control. I'm not here to talk about gun control or gun regulations, even though I am in favor of taking a good hard look at the gun laws we have in our country and seeing where improvements can be made.
I am here to talk about the lack of compassion, understanding, respect, patience, and love that are literally ripping our country and our families apart. In the day of social media, where hurtful, hateful and downright terrible comments are hurled across cyberspace at people we don't know, is it any wonder that more and more kids today are suffering from depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses than ever before? Is it any wonder that suicide rates are higher than ever before? Is it any wonder that kids and adults alike are turning to senseless acts of violence because they've been bullied for YEARS?
Yes, there are not enough resources available to those struggling with mental illness to get the help they need, and yes, mental illness, especially the stigma against those with mental illness needs to be addressed in this country. But in the meantime, we have to stop.
We have to stop spreading hateful messages on social media, we have to stop the bullying, we have to stop the hatred and disrespect for people who don't look like us and act like us, we have to stop!
If you are making rude or derogatory comments about celebrities, professional athletes, or anyone on social media you are part of the problem. If you judging or shaming someone who has a different body-type, skin color, parenting style than you do, you are part of the problem. If you are calling people with different opinions than you "libtards" or "snowflakes" or any other names meant to be derogatory YOU are part of the problem. This list could go on and on for longer than any of you care to read, but I'm going to make a bold statement here and say WE ARE ALL PART OF THE PROBLEM. Sorry for the caps, but it's important. I'm sure there are people out there who are wholly inclusive, loving, respectful and kind to every other human being, but I can safely say I don't know any of them. We are all guilty, myself included, of making hateful comments about others, whether in private or on social media, it doesn't matter. Because do you know who is hearing those comments we make in private? Our children, our grandchildren, our nieces, and nephews... impressionable little children that are watching and learning from the things we do and say... the generation that is going to inherit a dark and scary world if we don't do something now.
Different doesn't equal wrong. Just because someone doesn't look like you, act like, vote like you doesn't mean they are wrong, and it certainly doesn't mean they deserve to be hated by people who don't even know them.
Change, real and lasting change, won't happen overnight and it won't be easy, but we have the chance to make a real difference in the world, in our children and the world they are growing up in. Little kids shouldn't have to worry or wonder if they might get shot at school today. But until we start spreading love instead of hate, teaching our children to respect and accept those that are different from them, teaching them that under no circumstances is bullying okay and then modeling that behavior for them, nothing is going to change. Change can happen, but it doesn't start with arguing across political lines, it doesn't start by being hateful or close-minded. It starts with reaching across our differences and finding common ground, it starts with understanding, compassion and respect, it starts with love.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
2017 - A Year of Craziness, Happiness and Love
I can't believe 2017 is over already, in some ways it has flown by, but in others, it's been a long year. A lot of things have happened this year, both for me personally and for our family.
I published my first two books this year and it has been a hard, rewarding, learning experience from the very beginning but I hope this is just the beginning! Thank you to everyone who supported my author journey, I can't wait to see where it goes next and I hope there are many, many more books in my future. I am so happy and proud to have finally made my dream of becoming an author come true.
Mason celebrated his second birthday this year and learns so much every day it is amazing. He is smart and sassy and independent, but I wouldn't expect anything less of him. He is my child after all. He started a new daycare in August and loves to go to "school" and "play" with all his friends. He is still a good eater and loves his vegetables, but also loves Mac and Cheese and candy. We are hoping using the potty will be his next big milestone (finger crossed for everyone involved). Mason loves Real Salt Lake and going to the soccer games; he was even a soccer player for Halloween. He is obsessed with the Paw Patrol and had a very Paw Patrol themed Christmas, which he loved spending with his cousins at Nana's. Although he is definitely a challenge some days, Mason brings so much joy to our lives and I don't know what we would do without him!
In probably one of the most unconventional ways ever we learned we will be welcoming a new baby in 2018! For those who haven't heard that story, I had a bad bout of appendicitis in late July, so bad in fact that they couldn't do surgery because it was too risky and would've been much more invasive than was preferred by anyone (me and the doctors). So after a five-day hospital stay, I was released and scheduled to have my appendix removed six weeks later when the infection and inflammation had had time to go down. John and I arrived at the surgery center the morning of my scheduled surgery, only to find out I was pregnant and wouldn't be having surgery that day after all! Baby number two is coming late May.
We had a lot of adventures this year from a family trip to South Dakota to a five-year anniversary celebration in San Francisco to a trip to Seattle for an authors conference.
I can't wait to see what to see what 2018 brings for me and our little family! And I'm wishing you all a happy, healthy 2018.
Tuesday, August 22, 2017
One for My Parents
Well hello again! It's been a while. I've composed lots of blog posts in my head since the last time, but I never actually wrote them. Oh well, maybe one day I'll get to them, but for today I want to dedicate this space to my parents.
I was at their house over the weekend and my little sister, who make fabulous wedding cakes, said something about crediting her success to my Mom and Dad always teaching us we could do whatever we wanted. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided she was right.
I can't remember a time when my Mom or Dad ever told me I couldn't do something. Except for the time I told my dad I was going to dunk a basketball, he shut that down pretty fast, but let's be real that was never going to happen. When I wanted to be a doctor, they supported me 100%. When I changed my mind and went into journalism instead they never said I was being silly or throwing away my potential. When I told my mom I wanted to run a marathon she didn't laugh at me, instead, she did it with me. When I decided I wanted to publish a book they never once doubted me, just supported me like they always have. It's because of them and their unwavering support that I've accomplished one of my biggest dreams of becoming an author.
I think my sisters and I are pretty lucky. We grew up being told, and in turn believing, we can do anything we want, anything we put our minds to, anything we are willing to work for. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have a support system like that. But there is more! We didn't just get the message to dream big, our parents also taught us that if you want something you have to work for it and nobody owes you anything. I heard the phrase, "Life's not fair," on a regular basis throughout my childhood and teenage years. And while at the time I thought my parents were just saying that to stop the whining of four little girls, I know now that it is true and am glad I learned that valuable lesson as a child. You don't win just by showing up, you won't be successful just because you want to or because that's what's fair, you are going to fail sometimes.
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for letting me fail so I could learn how to get back up and try again. Thank you for teaching me that hard work and a good attitude will get you a lot farther in life than talent alone. Thank you for always believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for teaching me to dream big and never give up.
I was at their house over the weekend and my little sister, who make fabulous wedding cakes, said something about crediting her success to my Mom and Dad always teaching us we could do whatever we wanted. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided she was right.
I can't remember a time when my Mom or Dad ever told me I couldn't do something. Except for the time I told my dad I was going to dunk a basketball, he shut that down pretty fast, but let's be real that was never going to happen. When I wanted to be a doctor, they supported me 100%. When I changed my mind and went into journalism instead they never said I was being silly or throwing away my potential. When I told my mom I wanted to run a marathon she didn't laugh at me, instead, she did it with me. When I decided I wanted to publish a book they never once doubted me, just supported me like they always have. It's because of them and their unwavering support that I've accomplished one of my biggest dreams of becoming an author.
I think my sisters and I are pretty lucky. We grew up being told, and in turn believing, we can do anything we want, anything we put our minds to, anything we are willing to work for. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have a support system like that. But there is more! We didn't just get the message to dream big, our parents also taught us that if you want something you have to work for it and nobody owes you anything. I heard the phrase, "Life's not fair," on a regular basis throughout my childhood and teenage years. And while at the time I thought my parents were just saying that to stop the whining of four little girls, I know now that it is true and am glad I learned that valuable lesson as a child. You don't win just by showing up, you won't be successful just because you want to or because that's what's fair, you are going to fail sometimes.
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for letting me fail so I could learn how to get back up and try again. Thank you for teaching me that hard work and a good attitude will get you a lot farther in life than talent alone. Thank you for always believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for teaching me to dream big and never give up.
Monday, March 27, 2017
It's Almost Here!
I don't remember the last time I was this excited. My book is coming out in two weeks! 14 days people! Whew...I can't believe it is finally here.
I've spent the last 8 months writing, rewriting, researching all of my self-publishing options, working with editors and cover designers, and just getting every possible detail figured out. I was talking to John about it yesterday and he said, "Wow you've really put a lot of thought into this." And I have! Not just writing but marketing and releasing it and making sure all the i's are dotted and t's crossed.
As a self-publishing newbie, I'm sure there are things I haven't even thought of, but I feel confident in the product I'm putting out. It's been reviewed by beta readers, edited by a professional editor and proofread for a final review. I hired a cover designer who did an amazing job creating a stunning and unique cover for my book. The final manuscript is currently being formatted for print by a professional so I can have physical print copies in addition to an ebook version.
I sent out Advanced Reader Copies to some bloggers and a few friends yesterday, and I've already gotten some feedback. People are reading my book and liking it and it makes me unbelievably happy. There are people that have marked my book "to-read" on Goodreads, people I don't know want to read my book! I don't think I've stopped smiling all day. It is an amazing feeling to have people read your words and actually like them. And it makes me so excited to release my baby out into the world.
I know not everyone is going to like it. I choose a pretty controversial topic for my first book and I know there will be some that absolutely hate it, but I'm okay with that, even the most successful authors have people who hate their books. I've even made peace with the fact that many of my family members and conservative friends will probably hate it. I'm just excited to finally be publishing my book and I can't wait for you all to read it!
For anyone who cares, I've already started work on my second book. It is in the very beginning stages of writing but I'm planning on publishing it late this year.
I've spent the last 8 months writing, rewriting, researching all of my self-publishing options, working with editors and cover designers, and just getting every possible detail figured out. I was talking to John about it yesterday and he said, "Wow you've really put a lot of thought into this." And I have! Not just writing but marketing and releasing it and making sure all the i's are dotted and t's crossed.
As a self-publishing newbie, I'm sure there are things I haven't even thought of, but I feel confident in the product I'm putting out. It's been reviewed by beta readers, edited by a professional editor and proofread for a final review. I hired a cover designer who did an amazing job creating a stunning and unique cover for my book. The final manuscript is currently being formatted for print by a professional so I can have physical print copies in addition to an ebook version.
I sent out Advanced Reader Copies to some bloggers and a few friends yesterday, and I've already gotten some feedback. People are reading my book and liking it and it makes me unbelievably happy. There are people that have marked my book "to-read" on Goodreads, people I don't know want to read my book! I don't think I've stopped smiling all day. It is an amazing feeling to have people read your words and actually like them. And it makes me so excited to release my baby out into the world.
I know not everyone is going to like it. I choose a pretty controversial topic for my first book and I know there will be some that absolutely hate it, but I'm okay with that, even the most successful authors have people who hate their books. I've even made peace with the fact that many of my family members and conservative friends will probably hate it. I'm just excited to finally be publishing my book and I can't wait for you all to read it!
For anyone who cares, I've already started work on my second book. It is in the very beginning stages of writing but I'm planning on publishing it late this year.
Friday, February 10, 2017
Body Shaming Is Not Okay
I made a small post about this on Facebook a few days ago but I felt like it deserves more, especially since I have such strong feelings about this topic.
Some people (read: ignorant idiots) are shaming Lady Gaga for her "pooch" that was visible during the Super Bowl Halftime show. I'm sorry, were we watching the same show? I saw no pooch, what I say instead was an incredibly talented dancer and performer doing things in sky-high heels that I couldn't never hope to do in bare feet. She ran and danced and sang for 13 minutes, something that would leave most of us a huffing, puffing, sweaty mess. But some people think her stomach is what we should focus on. Those people can f*** off.
Body shaming is not okay. It's not okay to make fun of stars that will never hear (or even care about your opinions), it's not okay to hide behind the internet and make comments you would never say to someones face. It doesn't matter if Lady Gaga will never read your insults because you know what there are other people listening to and reading the thoughtless comments you make.
Let me tell you a real story. One day several years ago my two little sisters and I were watching CMT and Lady Antebellum was on the TV. The lead singer, Hillary Scott, had recently gained some weight (I actually think she was pregnant but that is besides the point). My two sisters spent several minutes commenting on how she looked and how much weight she'd gained and how fat she looked. I sat there nearly in tears. If they thought this beautiful woman on the TV in front of me was fat, what on earth did they think about me? So I asked them. "If she's fat, what does that make me?" They back pedaled so fast I actually find it funny now. "You're not fat Paige." "That's not what we meant." "You look great!" Yeah okay, like I was going to believe any of that after what I'd heard them say three seconds ago.
See it didn't matter that those comments weren't directed at me, they still hurt, because I can guarantee you I was fatter than Hillary Scott but if she wasn't pretty enough, then I definitely wasn't. It didn't matter that she had a killer voice and a successful music career, all that they were talking about was her weight.
The point of this story is not to make my sisters feel bad, but so everyone can see how these seemingly innocent comments and discussion can have an impact on people you know and love. I know there are people out there that will say we should be less sensitive and not take everything so personally, those people can go to hell. Why don't you try telling a third grader that is bullied because of her looks not to be so sensitive?
I want to cry for all the girls growing up in this age of social media. When I was a little girl I only had to deal with the mean things people were willing to say to my face, now people hide behind the internet and hurl insults at people they don't know and it is so sad. When all we do is critique a woman's appearance, regardless of what other amazing talents she may have, we send the message that looks are all that matter, that unless you look a certain way nothing else matters. A message little girls are getting loud and clear. Is that the message you want to send to your daughters? Your sisters? Your friends?
I don't have a daughter but I can guarantee you if I did those are not the things I would want her to learn about self-worth and body image. I would want her to know that she's beautiful no matter what, that beauty goes deeper than the surface, that there are more important things than thigh gaps and the size of jeans you wear, that her successes and failures in life do not hinge on her looks, that she is worth more than the opinions of ignorant people, that the number of likes on Instagram or Facebook don't equal happiness, and that is she loved and cherished whether she's a size 2 or a size 22.
The world is full of enough hate and discontent without tearing each other apart over nonsense like a belly pooch. Let's stop tearing each other down for things that don't matter and start celebrating each other for our difference's and unique talents because that's what makes this world a beautiful place.
Some people (read: ignorant idiots) are shaming Lady Gaga for her "pooch" that was visible during the Super Bowl Halftime show. I'm sorry, were we watching the same show? I saw no pooch, what I say instead was an incredibly talented dancer and performer doing things in sky-high heels that I couldn't never hope to do in bare feet. She ran and danced and sang for 13 minutes, something that would leave most of us a huffing, puffing, sweaty mess. But some people think her stomach is what we should focus on. Those people can f*** off.
Body shaming is not okay. It's not okay to make fun of stars that will never hear (or even care about your opinions), it's not okay to hide behind the internet and make comments you would never say to someones face. It doesn't matter if Lady Gaga will never read your insults because you know what there are other people listening to and reading the thoughtless comments you make.
Let me tell you a real story. One day several years ago my two little sisters and I were watching CMT and Lady Antebellum was on the TV. The lead singer, Hillary Scott, had recently gained some weight (I actually think she was pregnant but that is besides the point). My two sisters spent several minutes commenting on how she looked and how much weight she'd gained and how fat she looked. I sat there nearly in tears. If they thought this beautiful woman on the TV in front of me was fat, what on earth did they think about me? So I asked them. "If she's fat, what does that make me?" They back pedaled so fast I actually find it funny now. "You're not fat Paige." "That's not what we meant." "You look great!" Yeah okay, like I was going to believe any of that after what I'd heard them say three seconds ago.
See it didn't matter that those comments weren't directed at me, they still hurt, because I can guarantee you I was fatter than Hillary Scott but if she wasn't pretty enough, then I definitely wasn't. It didn't matter that she had a killer voice and a successful music career, all that they were talking about was her weight.
The point of this story is not to make my sisters feel bad, but so everyone can see how these seemingly innocent comments and discussion can have an impact on people you know and love. I know there are people out there that will say we should be less sensitive and not take everything so personally, those people can go to hell. Why don't you try telling a third grader that is bullied because of her looks not to be so sensitive?
I want to cry for all the girls growing up in this age of social media. When I was a little girl I only had to deal with the mean things people were willing to say to my face, now people hide behind the internet and hurl insults at people they don't know and it is so sad. When all we do is critique a woman's appearance, regardless of what other amazing talents she may have, we send the message that looks are all that matter, that unless you look a certain way nothing else matters. A message little girls are getting loud and clear. Is that the message you want to send to your daughters? Your sisters? Your friends?
I don't have a daughter but I can guarantee you if I did those are not the things I would want her to learn about self-worth and body image. I would want her to know that she's beautiful no matter what, that beauty goes deeper than the surface, that there are more important things than thigh gaps and the size of jeans you wear, that her successes and failures in life do not hinge on her looks, that she is worth more than the opinions of ignorant people, that the number of likes on Instagram or Facebook don't equal happiness, and that is she loved and cherished whether she's a size 2 or a size 22.
The world is full of enough hate and discontent without tearing each other apart over nonsense like a belly pooch. Let's stop tearing each other down for things that don't matter and start celebrating each other for our difference's and unique talents because that's what makes this world a beautiful place.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
A Letter to Me
For every girl out there doubting yourself and hating yourself and crying yourself to sleep at night because you aren't pretty enough or popular enough or skinny enough. For any girl who has ever been bullied or made fun of or alienated. For every girl who is struggling through high school wondering if things will ever get better, this is for you.
Dear 17-year-old Me,
Love,
Me
Dear 17-year-old Me,
I have so many things I want to tell you. I know that high school can be hard, high school in a small town has to be the worst. There is no where to hide, everyone knows you and the mistakes you've made, you can't get lost in the shuffle like you could at a bigger school. Don't worry though, someday you'll look back and love that you got to graduate from high school with the same 20 kids you went to Kindergarten with.
I wish I could take away all the hurt and the pain your going to feel over the next few years but I know I can't. It's going to hurt like hell when the boy you have a crush calls you fat, and when your friends have to set you up a date for prom because no one will ask you on their own, and when you overhear someone you thought was a friend saying hurtful things about you. Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" was a liar because those words are going to hurt and you're going to cry and you're going to eat cabbage soup for 5 days straight because being skinny would make everything better.
I want to tell you not to do those things, not to let those people crush your spirit and take away your confidence but I know you probably won't listen because I've been there and I know it's hard to listen to the few people telling you you are beautiful when it seems like so many voices are saying the opposite but don't let the opinions of a few mean-spirited people change you. I see the way you laugh and make fun of yourself so others can't do it first. I know it is exhausting to put on a happy face every day and pretend to be confident even when your not, but don't give up. Don't stop being you because some people are too ignorant to appreciate how truly awesome you really are.
Believe me when I say someday, someone will tell you you are beautiful every single day and mean it. They will love you with their whole heart not because your perfect but because they love your imperfections. It might not be as soon as you would like but be patient. I've said it already but it's worth repeating don't give up, don't lose hope, don't stop being you, because somewhere out there is someone waiting to love you just the way you are.
Try not to hate your body. I know it's hard but try to love the body you have today, it's capable of some pretty amazing things. Love your body, take good care of it and don't be so hard on yourself, and I promise you will be happier. Love your body for what it can do, not what it can't do. Don't compare yourself to others, we were all created different for a reason, embrace your differences because they are what make you you, and you are beautiful. You are unique and beautiful, don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Don't let a few bullies dictate how you feel about yourself, let your confidence shine through and be proud of who you are, no matter what anyone else has to say.
Don't be afraid to follow your dreams. You can be anything you want to be, truly believe that. There will always be someone there ready to tell you can't, that your dreams and goals are ridiculous and unattainable. There will always be someone that wants to keep you down so they have someone to keep them company at the bottom. Don't let them do it! Don't ever be ashamed of being smart and driven. Be proud of the skills and talents you were blessed with, nurture them and watch them grow and you'll be amazed at the places they will take you.
High school is hard, I know it is, but nothing lasts forever. Choose to be happy now, don't wait for some magical number on the scale or a boyfriend to be happy, life is too short to rely on others for your happiness. Find happiness in the journey and enjoy every moment.
There are so many amazing things waiting for you out there, go get them.
Love,
Me
Friday, January 13, 2017
The Book Writing Process
Note to self: do not ever take an entire month off from writing again.
I finished writing my book at the end of October, spent the entire monthly of November furiously reading it and making edits to get it ready for my beta readers. When I finally sent it to them at the first of December I breathed a sigh of relief and decided I deserved a few days break from the furious writing/editing schedule I'd been keeping for months. Except a few days stretched into a week and a week stretched into two and before I knew it the entire month of December was gone and I had done almost nothing creative or book-related the entire time.
I shared this quote from Maya Angelou on Instagram a while back, "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have." And I can say without a doubt it is so true. When I was in the thick of writing and creating the ideas seemed to flow, even ideas for other books and stories. Then I stopped writing for a while and ideas all dried up. Getting back into the flow of writing every night and doing revisions has been difficult to say the least. Part of it is because Mason goes to bed later now so I have less "free" time to devote but mostly it's because I stopped using that creative muscle and now it's out of shape again. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and just like getting back into the habit of working out again when you've taken a long break it's hard!
For those of you who are interested my book writing process looks like this so far:
I finished writing my book at the end of October, spent the entire monthly of November furiously reading it and making edits to get it ready for my beta readers. When I finally sent it to them at the first of December I breathed a sigh of relief and decided I deserved a few days break from the furious writing/editing schedule I'd been keeping for months. Except a few days stretched into a week and a week stretched into two and before I knew it the entire month of December was gone and I had done almost nothing creative or book-related the entire time.
I shared this quote from Maya Angelou on Instagram a while back, "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have." And I can say without a doubt it is so true. When I was in the thick of writing and creating the ideas seemed to flow, even ideas for other books and stories. Then I stopped writing for a while and ideas all dried up. Getting back into the flow of writing every night and doing revisions has been difficult to say the least. Part of it is because Mason goes to bed later now so I have less "free" time to devote but mostly it's because I stopped using that creative muscle and now it's out of shape again. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and just like getting back into the habit of working out again when you've taken a long break it's hard!
For those of you who are interested my book writing process looks like this so far:
- Write the book. This took me approximately 5 months, about half of that was spent in "intense writing mode" to make up for the other half that was spent in "goof-off writing mode". This stage included obsessively texting friends to brainstorm ideas and ignoring poor John most nights of the week.
- Reading, revising and editing. I gave myself a month for this and next time I'd like to give myself more time for this stage because it felt very rushed. This stage included more ignoring of John, more texting friends with random questions, a lot of eye rolling about some dumb things I had written and some getting very excited about other things I had written.
- Beta-reading. I gave my beta-readers a month to read and provide feedback on the book. Next time I'll make sure this month is not December. This stage included a lot of waiting. I do not like waiting. It took every ounce of control I had to not text my beta readers everyday and ask if they were finished yet and what they thought. I might have done that to a few of them anyway.
- Rewrites. I only have a month to do rewrites and work in some of the suggestions from my beta readers before my book is due to the my editor. I can already tell this might not be enough time, but since I was a journalist and know I can perform well under tight deadlines I hope it won't be a problem.
- Next up is working with my editor. She'll be providing feedback on content, plot, structure, etc. Then there will be even more rewrites on my end. During this time I'll also be working with a cover designer to get a cover created! I honestly have no idea how long this is all going to take, I'm hoping a few weeks, but I could be way off.
- Proofreading. Once the content is final I'll get it proofread to make sure there are no lingering grammar errors.
- Formatting. When it's finally ready for the world to read, I'll format the eBook version myself and have someone professional format the print version for me.
- PUBLISH!!! It seems so far away right now but I get so excited about the idea of actually publishing this book. My goal publish date is May 1 but that may change depending on how long the editor stage takes.
- Start all over again. Then I'm going to start the whole process over again on my next book. Hopefully with a better, more streamlined process.
Thank you to anyone who has supported me thus far, you've made this exciting but scary journey a little less scary.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
What Are Your Resolutions?
Sometimes I set New Year's resolutions, sometimes I don't, but I can say with confidence that I rarely follow through with them. Partly because I don't write them down and partly because I don't have a plan.
This year I didn't really make resolutions but rather I wrote down goals of what I would like to accomplish this year. I broke it down into three categories: health & fitness, finance and personal and then set yearly, six-month and quarterly goals for the first part of the year. Because for me writing "lose weight" as my yearly goal is great but how am I going to get there? And because accountability is a big thing for me, I'd thought I'd share a few of them just to keep myself honest.
A few of my health and fitness goals look like this:
Yearly goal: Decrease body fat percentage, while maintaining or increase muscle mass.
Six-month goal: Join a gym and use it.
First quarter goal: Do three push-ups on my toes.
January goal: Eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day.
My finance goals include things like paying off my last student loan this year, growing my emergency savings account, not spending anymore money on make-up until I use the stash I have and paying more attention to the budget I have painstakingly created, because having a budget is no good if I just ignore it until the end of the month and then try to figure out how to "fit" all my expenses into my budget.
Some of my personal goals are big and exciting like publish two books this year. Others are boring and necessary like clean out my closet in January. But for every category and time-frame I made three goals and then I made notes under it of how I plan to accomplish that goal. Don't worry, I'll save you the pain of rehashing my entire four-page goals document.
Not every goal is earth shattering or life changing, but that's the beauty of goals and resolutions, they can be whatever you want them to be! I want my year to be fun and exciting and full of growth, change for better and happiness, and those things don't just happen by accident. What are your resolutions for the new year? Let's kick 2017's ass, so next year at this time we can look back and say "2017 was a great year!"
This year I didn't really make resolutions but rather I wrote down goals of what I would like to accomplish this year. I broke it down into three categories: health & fitness, finance and personal and then set yearly, six-month and quarterly goals for the first part of the year. Because for me writing "lose weight" as my yearly goal is great but how am I going to get there? And because accountability is a big thing for me, I'd thought I'd share a few of them just to keep myself honest.
A few of my health and fitness goals look like this:
Yearly goal: Decrease body fat percentage, while maintaining or increase muscle mass.
Six-month goal: Join a gym and use it.
First quarter goal: Do three push-ups on my toes.
January goal: Eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day.
My finance goals include things like paying off my last student loan this year, growing my emergency savings account, not spending anymore money on make-up until I use the stash I have and paying more attention to the budget I have painstakingly created, because having a budget is no good if I just ignore it until the end of the month and then try to figure out how to "fit" all my expenses into my budget.
Some of my personal goals are big and exciting like publish two books this year. Others are boring and necessary like clean out my closet in January. But for every category and time-frame I made three goals and then I made notes under it of how I plan to accomplish that goal. Don't worry, I'll save you the pain of rehashing my entire four-page goals document.
Not every goal is earth shattering or life changing, but that's the beauty of goals and resolutions, they can be whatever you want them to be! I want my year to be fun and exciting and full of growth, change for better and happiness, and those things don't just happen by accident. What are your resolutions for the new year? Let's kick 2017's ass, so next year at this time we can look back and say "2017 was a great year!"
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Crushed It
I think it's safe to say I crushed this year. I can confidently say 2016 was one of the best years of my life. I've accomplished two major things this year: writing my first book and losing 60 pounds. And I am so damn proud of both of them but honestly what made this year the best so far was finally finding my confidence, finally learning to love my self (you can read about that here if you missed it). I finally love who I am and where I'm going and if you don't like well that's too bad. Life is happier when you ignore all the negative voices and surround yourself with people who care about you and want you to succeed. Life is happier when you love your self. But I already wrote a whole post about that so I'll move on.
In addition to a few huge things I've also accomplished a lot of little things this year too:
In addition to a few huge things I've also accomplished a lot of little things this year too:
- I can do a real push-up, on my toes!! I've never in my whole life been able to do that, and now I can actually do two.
- I got made a multi-state team communications lead at work (it's hard to explain what that means without a whole blog post about my job) but it means more responsibility and leadership at work, which is always good.
- I published my first non-news related piece, a short story, in a collection of erotic short stories.
- I went hiking with Mason chubs on my back. I'm not a hiker so this is an accomplishment for me.
- I have finally succeeded in getting up to workout in the morning! I have literally tried for years and failed at getting up in the morning to workout, but now I can finally do it. Maybe because my post-baby body has figured out how to function on less sleep.
- I can finally say I don't have a love/hate relationship with food anymore. I still have a long ways to go but I feel like I'm well on my way to having a healthy relationship with food.
I'm sure there are other things, but this is all I can think of right now. 2016 hasn't been without it's trials but overall it was a great year. I made some mistakes, learned a lot about myself and accomplished things I never thought possible. If this year taught me anything it is you really can do whatever you put your mind to.
I can't wait to see what happens over the next year. I'm excited about the new year and all the exciting things happening my life. Bring it on 2017, I'm ready!
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
My Journey to Health: Part 2
Recap: In case you missed the last post you can read it here, but in summary last year I was sick. I was tired, my knees hurt, I had anxiety and I knew I needed change. I almost didn't write this post but I've had enough people ask me what I've been doing that I figured it was worth a post.
Last November, before I ever had blood clots, I had signed up for a New Year Body Challenge. It was 60 days of workouts and recipes and guidance and support via a Facebook group. I am sooo glad I had signed up before I got sick. If I hadn't already signed up and paid, I might have talked myself out of it, but instead I had already committed and looking forward to it. I was sooo ready to begin getting healthy. The challenge was based on the Paleo diet (which you can read about here) and while it worked (I lost 15 pounds in a month) it didn't take me long to realize it was not sustainable for me. Cooking two dinners several nights a week was not ideal and wasn't something I was willing to do long term. Neither was giving up most carbs and dairy.
In the middle of March I started the 6-week Fit Body Challenge, I had done other challenges with the same trainer and always had great success (during my 15-day challenge a few months early I lost 12 pounds) so I was excited and looking forward to seeing more progress with this challenge. The plan came with six workouts a week and 11 daily meal plans to rotate through. It was great for a while. I'm a creature a habit and have no problem eating the same thing for lunch every day all week, but eventually it got to the point where I was cooking two dinners again, or doing some serious modifications so John didn't feel like he was eating the same thing three nights a week. Again, I knew that in order to be successful I needed to make long-term lasting changes and this wasn't it. It was great for the few weeks I stuck with it, but I couldn't do it forever. At this point even with my hodge-podge dieting and little to no exercise I had still lost 20 pounds.
In late April, I was browsing Instagram and saw a post from a girl I knew from high school about counting macros (macro-nutrients - more about that here) and the success her client was having. I had been tracking my macros before I got pregnant with Mason and had been losing weight very slowly but steadily (probably due to my less than stellar tracking skills) and knew it was something I could sustain. I could eat what I wanted as long as it fit in my macros, meaning I didn't have to cook two dinners or skip dessert, I just had to plan for it. So I reached out to her and got started on macro counting the very next day.
Working with Courtney was exactly what I needed. I lost eight pounds in the first month I was counting macros and that included two weekend trips where there was lots of yummy food and drinks and no tracking. She was (and still is) supportive and helpful and gave me workouts I could do at home. Full disclosure, until just a few weeks ago I have been terrible at working out consistently but I still saw results because 90 percent of the time I was eating within my macros. Since the beginning of May when I started counting macros, I've lost another 35 pounds, while steadily increasing the amount of food I get to eat each day. Some days tracking gets a little tedious and I just want to eat without figuring out how many carbs, fat and protein something has in it. But for the most part it is something I don't mind, something that has given me the flexibility to eat dessert every day and still reach my goals, and most importantly something I can do everyday for the foreseeable and long-term future.
I still have a long ways to go but I'm excited about where I'm at and where I'm going.The important thing is I found what works for me! And that might not be the same thing for everyone. Find what makes you happy and do it!
Being healthy isn't a one-time project you can do and just be done with, it takes hard work and dedication and consistency day after day and week after week. It is a journey not a destination and for now I'm enjoying the ride.
Last November, before I ever had blood clots, I had signed up for a New Year Body Challenge. It was 60 days of workouts and recipes and guidance and support via a Facebook group. I am sooo glad I had signed up before I got sick. If I hadn't already signed up and paid, I might have talked myself out of it, but instead I had already committed and looking forward to it. I was sooo ready to begin getting healthy. The challenge was based on the Paleo diet (which you can read about here) and while it worked (I lost 15 pounds in a month) it didn't take me long to realize it was not sustainable for me. Cooking two dinners several nights a week was not ideal and wasn't something I was willing to do long term. Neither was giving up most carbs and dairy.
In the middle of March I started the 6-week Fit Body Challenge, I had done other challenges with the same trainer and always had great success (during my 15-day challenge a few months early I lost 12 pounds) so I was excited and looking forward to seeing more progress with this challenge. The plan came with six workouts a week and 11 daily meal plans to rotate through. It was great for a while. I'm a creature a habit and have no problem eating the same thing for lunch every day all week, but eventually it got to the point where I was cooking two dinners again, or doing some serious modifications so John didn't feel like he was eating the same thing three nights a week. Again, I knew that in order to be successful I needed to make long-term lasting changes and this wasn't it. It was great for the few weeks I stuck with it, but I couldn't do it forever. At this point even with my hodge-podge dieting and little to no exercise I had still lost 20 pounds.
In late April, I was browsing Instagram and saw a post from a girl I knew from high school about counting macros (macro-nutrients - more about that here) and the success her client was having. I had been tracking my macros before I got pregnant with Mason and had been losing weight very slowly but steadily (probably due to my less than stellar tracking skills) and knew it was something I could sustain. I could eat what I wanted as long as it fit in my macros, meaning I didn't have to cook two dinners or skip dessert, I just had to plan for it. So I reached out to her and got started on macro counting the very next day.
Working with Courtney was exactly what I needed. I lost eight pounds in the first month I was counting macros and that included two weekend trips where there was lots of yummy food and drinks and no tracking. She was (and still is) supportive and helpful and gave me workouts I could do at home. Full disclosure, until just a few weeks ago I have been terrible at working out consistently but I still saw results because 90 percent of the time I was eating within my macros. Since the beginning of May when I started counting macros, I've lost another 35 pounds, while steadily increasing the amount of food I get to eat each day. Some days tracking gets a little tedious and I just want to eat without figuring out how many carbs, fat and protein something has in it. But for the most part it is something I don't mind, something that has given me the flexibility to eat dessert every day and still reach my goals, and most importantly something I can do everyday for the foreseeable and long-term future.
I still have a long ways to go but I'm excited about where I'm at and where I'm going.The important thing is I found what works for me! And that might not be the same thing for everyone. Find what makes you happy and do it!
Being healthy isn't a one-time project you can do and just be done with, it takes hard work and dedication and consistency day after day and week after week. It is a journey not a destination and for now I'm enjoying the ride.
Monday, November 28, 2016
My Journey to Health: Part 1
A year ago I was sick. I had just been diagnosed by blood clots in my lungs, I was considered medically morbidly obese, my knees hurt with almost every step I took, I had high cholesterol and high blood pressure, and my body was still trying to heal from pregnancy and childbirth (which doesn't happen in a few weeks like everyone would lead you to believe but that is another post for another time). Physically I was not well but mentally I was probably even worse. I had anxiety and panic attacks about getting more blood clots, the possibility of it happening when I was alone with Mason and even the thought of not being there to watch my baby boy grow up. I cried myself to sleep at night more times than I could count. I was tired, I was moody, I was unhappy and I was scared. At 28-years-old when I should've been in the prime of my life I was anything but, I felt like someone at least twice my age. This wasn't the life I wanted. I was unhealthy, unhappy and ready for a change.
Mason was moving and learning more and more everyday and I was terrified of the days when I wouldn't be able to run around with him. It is amazing how much such a tiny little person could motivate me to do something I'd been attempting my whole life. Suddenly the stakes were higher. If I didn't make a change and do it now, I wasn't going to be able to be the kind of mom I wanted to be or worse I wasn't going to be there at all. It was just about aesthetics and looking good anymore. It was like someone had flipped a switch. Change, real lasting change, wasn't just an option anymore it was a necessity. Getting healthier and losing weight was no longer something I should be doing but something I had to do; not just for me but for my baby and my family.
Had you asked me a year and a half ago if I was healthy I probably would've said yes but it was just a lie I told myself so I didn't have to face the truth. I had pretended for years that my weight wasn't negatively impacting me because I didn't have high blood pressure or high cholesterol and I could do most of the things I wanted to do but now I saw the truth. I've done damage to my body I can't undo. My right knee already has significant "wear and tear" as they call it. In January my doctor told me if I didn't do something I'd be looking at knee replacement surgery at 35. Talk about a wake-up call.
At my job we talk a lot about health and wellness and how we motivate people to change. Just last week we had a presentation about self care coaching and we talked about how in order to motivate people the "change must be personally important and meaningful." I had my reason for change, my motivating factor. It wasn't just personally important and meaningful, to me it was literally the difference between life and death. Now I just had to make changes (which is easier said than done).
Stay tuned for my next post on what and how I changed, the mistakes I've made and what I've learned along the way (spoiler alert: the journey is never over).
Monday, November 14, 2016
The Best Year Yet
My 28th year of life started out a little rough (more on that for another post) but I'm happy to say I turned things around and I can honestly say this last year was one of the best I've ever had.
I learned a lot about myself, the things that matter most to me and what I really want out of life.
Just a few of the highlights this year:
I learned a lot about myself, the things that matter most to me and what I really want out of life.
Just a few of the highlights this year:
- I finally started the journey to fulfilling my lifelong dream of publishing a novel. The first draft is done and editing is underway.
- I traveled more than I have any other year and it was awesome, more traveling is definitely on the list of things I want to do. I went to San Diego, Denver, Seattle, Portland and Chicago.
- I made through Mason's first year of life, which is no small feat.
- I finally figured out how to love myself and how to have a healthy relationship with food.
I've only got one more year left in my 20's. I'm not sad I'm getting older and I'm not upset that I'll be 30 next year. I'm excited about life and where I'm going and the confidence I've gained and the goals I've set for myself. If this year is any indication, I'm just getting started. Plans for next year include:
- Publishing my first novel (and maybe my second!)
- More traveling!! South Dakota and another trip to Seattle are already on the list but I'm hoping there will be many more destinations to visit.
- Continuing the never ending process of working towards being healthier. I'm hoping to hit my goal weight in the next year.
Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday! Here's to another great year.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Love Yourself
I haven't always been nice to my body. In fact, I've done some pretty awful things to it, from cabbage soup diets to the 500-calorie HCG diet to the other extreme of binge eating ice cream and chips and cookie dough and anything I could get my hands on.
I spent years hating my body for what it couldn't do. It was never skinny enough or fast enough, it couldn't jump high enough and wasn't attractive enough. I've spent years of my life working out and dieting my way to some elusive goal that would suddenly make me happy with my body, a magical number that would make everything better. But I'm here now to tell you no number on the scale will ever make you happy if you don't learn to love and appreciate your body.
It's taken me 29 years to come to the conclusion that life is too short to give a shit what other people think, it's too short to spend your time hating yourself and your body.
I used to hate my body because it was too squishy and too tall and not tan enough but this body has done some pretty amazing things! It grew a life inside it and gave birth to a 9-pound baby with no drugs, it served me well through 4-years of high school sports, helped me run a marathon, half-marathon and Ragnar race. No matter how badly I've treated it has very rarely let me down.
In the past year, I've lost 70 pounds. I'm still a ways off from my "goal" weight but I'm no longer letting that define who I am. For the first time in my life I'm happy with my body the way it is right now. I don't hate every single picture that is taken of me. I don't hate every item of clothing I put on. I don't wish everyday for some magical number to appear on the scale.
And can I tell you how freeing it is? How much happier life is when I don't stress because I ate french fries with dinner two days in a row? Or when the scale moves up a few pounds instead of down? Don't get me wrong there has to be moderation and consistency to see progress, but I'm no longer letting a number on a scale dictate how I feel about myself. I might not be at my goal weight yet, but I don't give a damn. I look good and feel good right now! It's empowering, it's humbling and it's amazing. I can finally get up at 5:30 in the morning and work out, because it's not a chore anymore, I want to do it so I can get stronger and be able to keep up with the incredibly speedy Mason. I want to see what else this body is capable of. And if I accidentally sleep through my alarm and miss my workout? I don't feel like a complete failure and give up for the millionth time. I just keep moving forward because progress is about consistency not perfection.
Magazines, commercials, movies, TV shows, basically everything you see everyday, would have you believe that you're not worth anything if you don't look like those girls. If you don't have perfect hair and perfect skin and the perfect body, with curves, but not too many, you are worthless. That no one will ever love you if your dress size in the double digits and you don't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Well you know what? Fuck them. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough. Don't let someone else determine your worth based on ridiculous standards that even supermodels can't uphold without photoshop.
Love your body now! Love the process of getting where you want to be. Workout and eat good foods because you want to be healthy and strong, or because you want to set a good example for your kids, or because you just like to, whatever your reason do it for you. Don't starve yourself so you can have a thigh gap; don't kill yourself in the gym because you're too fat or so someone else will like you, because those aren't good reasons.
When I stopped doing it for someone else it got easier, when I did it for me and my health and my family, it became important enough to make a priority and the excuses started to fall away. When I finally learned to love my body and the things it does for me everyday I started to be happier and more confident. There are days that it is still a struggle, days I still let self-doubt and self-hate creep in, days when I wish I was stronger and faster and skinnier. But I am in a better place than I have been in a very long time. For years I let what others thought about me define who I was and what I thought of my body but not anymore. Those were not fun times in my life. Literally years of my life spent sad and angry because I let someone else make me believe I wasn't good enough.
You are enough, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Set goals and work towards them, but don't let them define you. Love the process, love your body as it is right now, love all your imperfections, they are what make you unique and beautiful and special. Love yourself. Trust me, life is better that way.
In the past year, I've lost 70 pounds. I'm still a ways off from my "goal" weight but I'm no longer letting that define who I am. For the first time in my life I'm happy with my body the way it is right now. I don't hate every single picture that is taken of me. I don't hate every item of clothing I put on. I don't wish everyday for some magical number to appear on the scale.
And can I tell you how freeing it is? How much happier life is when I don't stress because I ate french fries with dinner two days in a row? Or when the scale moves up a few pounds instead of down? Don't get me wrong there has to be moderation and consistency to see progress, but I'm no longer letting a number on a scale dictate how I feel about myself. I might not be at my goal weight yet, but I don't give a damn. I look good and feel good right now! It's empowering, it's humbling and it's amazing. I can finally get up at 5:30 in the morning and work out, because it's not a chore anymore, I want to do it so I can get stronger and be able to keep up with the incredibly speedy Mason. I want to see what else this body is capable of. And if I accidentally sleep through my alarm and miss my workout? I don't feel like a complete failure and give up for the millionth time. I just keep moving forward because progress is about consistency not perfection.
Magazines, commercials, movies, TV shows, basically everything you see everyday, would have you believe that you're not worth anything if you don't look like those girls. If you don't have perfect hair and perfect skin and the perfect body, with curves, but not too many, you are worthless. That no one will ever love you if your dress size in the double digits and you don't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Well you know what? Fuck them. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough. Don't let someone else determine your worth based on ridiculous standards that even supermodels can't uphold without photoshop.
Love your body now! Love the process of getting where you want to be. Workout and eat good foods because you want to be healthy and strong, or because you want to set a good example for your kids, or because you just like to, whatever your reason do it for you. Don't starve yourself so you can have a thigh gap; don't kill yourself in the gym because you're too fat or so someone else will like you, because those aren't good reasons.
When I stopped doing it for someone else it got easier, when I did it for me and my health and my family, it became important enough to make a priority and the excuses started to fall away. When I finally learned to love my body and the things it does for me everyday I started to be happier and more confident. There are days that it is still a struggle, days I still let self-doubt and self-hate creep in, days when I wish I was stronger and faster and skinnier. But I am in a better place than I have been in a very long time. For years I let what others thought about me define who I was and what I thought of my body but not anymore. Those were not fun times in my life. Literally years of my life spent sad and angry because I let someone else make me believe I wasn't good enough.
You are enough, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Set goals and work towards them, but don't let them define you. Love the process, love your body as it is right now, love all your imperfections, they are what make you unique and beautiful and special. Love yourself. Trust me, life is better that way.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Following your dreams is hard work
I always used to wonder why people settled for less than what they really wanted, why people worked jobs they hated for years and years, instead of pursuing what truly made them happy.
I've been in the process of writing and getting ready to publish my first book for only a few months now and I already have the answer. Following your dreams is hard work. Venturing out of your comfort zone to do something you really love takes a lot of effort and can be so overwhelming.
I was telling my family about my book over the weekend and one of my sisters was asking all sorts of questions. Do you need a publisher? If you publish it yourself how do people know it's there? How do you market your book so people will buy it? Are you going to make money? Good questions sister, good questions.
I am planning on self publishing on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, etc. That part used to seem hard and scary but no, I've decided the publishing part is easy. The marketing part, not so much.
Not only am I over here writing away trying everyday to meet my goal of adding 1,000 words, so I can finish the book this month, but I also spend every spare moment reading articles about social media and marketing and how to turn traffic into sales and how to build my following. I need a website and a landing page to gather emails and a social media strategy and money to fund it all.
When I'm not stressing about marketing, I'm worrying if anyone will even like my book and when I'm not doing those things I'm working full-time, running a household, being a mom and a wife, trying to find time to workout and see friends, and feeling like I'm failing at everything. It is a little overwhelming to say the least.
I'm sure my family and friends think I'm crazy and are probably more than a little tired of listening to me go on and on about my book but I'm not giving up! And even if it means I miss out on a little sleep it is worth it and I've never been happier. Because as scary and hard as following your dreams is, the alternative isn't any better. Even if I never make one penny from writing books, it makes me happy and has always been my dream and that makes all of the stress and late nights and early mornings and feelings of inadequacy worth it.
Find what makes you happy and go for it! Don't waste another minute being unhappy with your life.
I've been in the process of writing and getting ready to publish my first book for only a few months now and I already have the answer. Following your dreams is hard work. Venturing out of your comfort zone to do something you really love takes a lot of effort and can be so overwhelming.
I was telling my family about my book over the weekend and one of my sisters was asking all sorts of questions. Do you need a publisher? If you publish it yourself how do people know it's there? How do you market your book so people will buy it? Are you going to make money? Good questions sister, good questions.
I am planning on self publishing on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, etc. That part used to seem hard and scary but no, I've decided the publishing part is easy. The marketing part, not so much.
Not only am I over here writing away trying everyday to meet my goal of adding 1,000 words, so I can finish the book this month, but I also spend every spare moment reading articles about social media and marketing and how to turn traffic into sales and how to build my following. I need a website and a landing page to gather emails and a social media strategy and money to fund it all.
When I'm not stressing about marketing, I'm worrying if anyone will even like my book and when I'm not doing those things I'm working full-time, running a household, being a mom and a wife, trying to find time to workout and see friends, and feeling like I'm failing at everything. It is a little overwhelming to say the least.
I'm sure my family and friends think I'm crazy and are probably more than a little tired of listening to me go on and on about my book but I'm not giving up! And even if it means I miss out on a little sleep it is worth it and I've never been happier. Because as scary and hard as following your dreams is, the alternative isn't any better. Even if I never make one penny from writing books, it makes me happy and has always been my dream and that makes all of the stress and late nights and early mornings and feelings of inadequacy worth it.
Find what makes you happy and go for it! Don't waste another minute being unhappy with your life.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Scary Can be a Good Thing
The word scary doesn't usually conjure up images of sunshine and roses but sometimes we have to do something scary before we can get to the good part. Sometimes following your dreams is the scariest thing in the world.
I've been working on a book lately, an erotic romance, that I am planning on publishing next year. To admit that is one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. I starting writing a book years ago and abandoned it half way through, in part because it was also an erotic romance and I was afraid what my conservative family and friends would think.
Would they disown me? (A little extreme I realize but a true thought nonetheless). Would they still be proud of me if I published something they didn't agree with? Would I get attacked for contributing to the downfall of society? Would I have to explain myself at every family function for the rest of my life? I want those people who love me to be proud of me, not ashamed because I wrote something reminiscent of 50 Shades of Grey.
I wrote a short story for a collection of erotic short stories, it's been published and available for a few days now, but no one (except a few close friends) know about it because I'm still nervous about what people are going to think.
But this is what I want!! I've dreamed about being an author since I was a kid, I've wanted to publish a book for years. I want people to read my books and not be able to put them down, to read them again just because the love it that much. This is my dream and I have to go after it. There are stories in my head just waiting to be told, itching to get out; a lot of times those stories are more than a little sexual, but I'm going to tell them anyway.
Please don't disown me or hate me for following my dream. I promise there are some non-erotic stories in my head too and one day I'll write them too, but for now I'm going to finish the book I've been working on since May (and then go back and finish the one I started six years ago). I won't hold it against you for not reading it, if you won't hold it against me for writing it.
I'm still scared but that just means I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something hard. Sometimes hard things are the ones that turn out the best.
Friday, August 26, 2016
Feeling Nostalgic
Sometimes I hear a song that takes me back to my childhood and makes me feel all nostalgic. This morning that song was "Dig Your Roots" by Florida Georgia Line. I heard them play it a month ago at the concert in Cheyenne and loved it then and it was finally available to buy in iTunes this morning. I might have listened it to it on repeat the entire way to work. It just reminded me of all the good times I had growing up and the important lessons I learned, and am still learning, from my grandparents and parents.
Growing up in a small town is something you can't really explain unless you've done it. As much as I love the convenience of living in place where the store doesn't close at 7 p.m. I wouldn't trade my youth and growing up in Altamont for anything in the world.
There is something special about being able to go home 10 years later and talk to people in the store like you never left. Something awesome about knowing that no matter what you do with your life there is a whole town of people who know you and love you and are proud of everything you've done. People who care about your kids and your husband and want to get to know them just like they know you. It's something I've probably taken for granted more than a time or two, but also something I know is unique and special, and something I'll treasure forever.
I didn't just grow up in a small town though, I grew up on a farm in that small town. Nothing has taught me more about life, love, family and hard work than working next to my sisters on the farm. We spent our summers picking rocks, moving cows and turning hay bales in the fields (with plenty of time to play in the river left over) and winters feeding cows and shoveling the sheep barn. I might have hated every minute spent shoveling poop out of the sheep barn and cursed the days I had to get up before dawn in below freezing temperatures in middle of winter and go feed the cows, but I can honestly say I wouldn't trade those experiences either. They made me who I am today and hopefully made me a better person too.
If there is anything Grandpa Bob and Grandma Connie taught me it is that nothing is handed to you, you've got to work hard for everything you want and sometimes even then life has other plans but you just keep on working hard. All the years of working on the farm taught me that if something is worth doing it is worth doing right and nothing is more important than family.
Growing up in a small town is something you can't really explain unless you've done it. As much as I love the convenience of living in place where the store doesn't close at 7 p.m. I wouldn't trade my youth and growing up in Altamont for anything in the world.
There is something special about being able to go home 10 years later and talk to people in the store like you never left. Something awesome about knowing that no matter what you do with your life there is a whole town of people who know you and love you and are proud of everything you've done. People who care about your kids and your husband and want to get to know them just like they know you. It's something I've probably taken for granted more than a time or two, but also something I know is unique and special, and something I'll treasure forever.
I didn't just grow up in a small town though, I grew up on a farm in that small town. Nothing has taught me more about life, love, family and hard work than working next to my sisters on the farm. We spent our summers picking rocks, moving cows and turning hay bales in the fields (with plenty of time to play in the river left over) and winters feeding cows and shoveling the sheep barn. I might have hated every minute spent shoveling poop out of the sheep barn and cursed the days I had to get up before dawn in below freezing temperatures in middle of winter and go feed the cows, but I can honestly say I wouldn't trade those experiences either. They made me who I am today and hopefully made me a better person too.
If there is anything Grandpa Bob and Grandma Connie taught me it is that nothing is handed to you, you've got to work hard for everything you want and sometimes even then life has other plans but you just keep on working hard. All the years of working on the farm taught me that if something is worth doing it is worth doing right and nothing is more important than family.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Writing makes me happy
Writing is something that has always been second nature to me, seriously, my Grandma Kay told me that when I was a little girl and would come stay with her she would always find scraps of paper around her house with half-written stories on them when I left. In seventh grade, my first "short story" was 10 pages long. It's no wonder that when I got to college I eventually decided to major in Communications and become a journalist, a newspaper reporter to be specific, a job where I could write every single day.
Since I left the newspaper world my writing has come and gone in spurts but I've recently started writing again and I have to say I've missed it. There is something soothing to me about clicking away on the keyboard, putting words on paper and creating a story.
While I'm sure this definitely classifies me as a nerd I have to admit writing gives me an adrenaline rush too. Nothing will ever compare with the rush of writing a story on a tight deadline and pressing send with just seconds to spare, but I still get a rush when I start a new project or finish something I've been working on for a while or even when I write a really good scene.
I've spent years writing down the short stories or ideas that float around in my head but now I'm excited to be working on what I hope will become my first published book. I've wanted to write a book for a long time, but to be honest I was afraid. Afraid of what other people would think, afraid people wouldn't like it, afraid that I might fail. But now that technology has made self-publishing a relatively easy task and I've finally gotten brave enough to let a few friends read some of my stories I'm going to do it.
I'm in the early stages of writing but I've got the idea and few pages written and I'm excited to write more. Stay tuned and don't let me chicken out this time!
While I'm sure this definitely classifies me as a nerd I have to admit writing gives me an adrenaline rush too. Nothing will ever compare with the rush of writing a story on a tight deadline and pressing send with just seconds to spare, but I still get a rush when I start a new project or finish something I've been working on for a while or even when I write a really good scene.
I've spent years writing down the short stories or ideas that float around in my head but now I'm excited to be working on what I hope will become my first published book. I've wanted to write a book for a long time, but to be honest I was afraid. Afraid of what other people would think, afraid people wouldn't like it, afraid that I might fail. But now that technology has made self-publishing a relatively easy task and I've finally gotten brave enough to let a few friends read some of my stories I'm going to do it.
I'm in the early stages of writing but I've got the idea and few pages written and I'm excited to write more. Stay tuned and don't let me chicken out this time!
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
We Have to Stop
Today I had to drive to Provo for work and while on the freeway saw a man driving a shuttle service van trying to read a stack of papers on his steering wheel while driving (yes, I did call the company to complain) and a woman curling her eyelashes, again while driving.
This is not my first and probably won't be my last post about distracted driving but we have to stop.
It's not okay to curl your eyelashes or put on mascara (or any makeup for that matter) or brush your teeth or eat cereal or read a newspaper or write in your planner or shave while driving (yes these are all things I have personally seen happening on the freeways before). It's not okay to text and drive or Facebook and drive or even play with your fancy dashboard navigation system. I'm not perfect, I've sent texts while driving, but since I had Mason, something clicked, and I have made an active and conscious effort to not do anything that will distract me from driving and getting to my destination safely, not to mention making sure my precious passenger gets there safely too. I'm still not perfect but I'm trying really hard!
I saw a UDOT sign a few days ago that said 41 people have died on Utah roads in 2016, 41! That is 41 families who's loved ones will never be coming home, 41 people who needlessly lost their lives. Nothing is important enough to jeopardize your own life or those of everyone else on the road. I guarantee that arriving alive and well is more important than arriving with your eyelashes curled.
Put down the phone, the make-up, the newspaper, your breakfast and anything else that may be keeping you from paying attention to what is happening on the road in front of you and just drive, your life depends on it.
Monday, January 25, 2016
I just have to vent...
I know why the U.S. spends more on health care than any other industrialized nation. It is because, at times, our system is incredibly wasteful. I have been having some knee issues for a while now, so I finally went to the doctor a few weeks ago, he said he wasn't 100% sure what was causing the pain but that I could get an MRI or try physical therapy. I opted to try physical therapy because my insurance deductible had just reset and that was the cheaper option but my doctor said to call him if I changed my mind and wanted to do an MRI. After two sessions of physical therapy things were getting worse not better, so on Friday, I call the doctor and said I'd like to get an MRI scheduled. His medical assistant put on hold and came back and said the doctor had said to schedule an appointment to come into the office and he'd do an ultrasound to make sure it's not a cyst first. I said okay, because an office visit is still cheaper than an MRI. I get to the doctor's office today and he comes in asks me a few questions and this is how the conversation goes.
The doctor says, "I think it's time for an MRI."
"I called on Friday and wanted to schedule an MRI and your assistant told me you said to come in and you'd do an ultrasound to see if it is a cyst first."
"I don't remember saying that, I can do an ultrasound but a cyst is usually caused by something else that I won't be able to see on an ultrasound, so we need to get an MRI."
I almost freaked out on the doctor. So you're telling me I left work and came in here for no reason! Instead of just scheduling an MRI when I called on Friday, I had to go in, pay $130 out of my own pocket and take up an appointment space that could have been used by someone else, just to be told I needed something I was already asking for. I am seriously so mad!
I am sure I am not the only person this has happened to and I am sure I am not the last person it will happen to either. We need to figure out a way to eliminate medical waste like this, so the cost of health care doesn't continue to increase.
The doctor says, "I think it's time for an MRI."
"I called on Friday and wanted to schedule an MRI and your assistant told me you said to come in and you'd do an ultrasound to see if it is a cyst first."
"I don't remember saying that, I can do an ultrasound but a cyst is usually caused by something else that I won't be able to see on an ultrasound, so we need to get an MRI."
I almost freaked out on the doctor. So you're telling me I left work and came in here for no reason! Instead of just scheduling an MRI when I called on Friday, I had to go in, pay $130 out of my own pocket and take up an appointment space that could have been used by someone else, just to be told I needed something I was already asking for. I am seriously so mad!
I am sure I am not the only person this has happened to and I am sure I am not the last person it will happen to either. We need to figure out a way to eliminate medical waste like this, so the cost of health care doesn't continue to increase.
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